Jealousy. Whether you’re into any kink or not, chances are you’ve experienced the green-eyed-monster rear its ugly head in one way or another during a relationship. But what if you felt the complete opposite of jealousy? What if instead, seeing or knowing your partner is being sexually or emotionally gratified by someone else could make you feel amazing as well. This is called compersion, a term coined by polyamorist to describe the positive feeling one may get from seeing or hearing about their SO’s sexcapades outside of them. To many, the idea of feeling good about their partner getting laid by someone else seems like a foreign concept. But, if we can be happy when our partner say…gets a promotion at work or buys a new car, why cant we be happy when they have a fun time hooking up with someone else?
A Lack of Jealousy?
Compersion can come differently to everyone. When entering a non-monogamous relationship, some may experience it right away while it can take time for others, or simply never occur at all. Many poly couples state that growing to feel compersion felt euphoric and strengthened the bonds of their relationship. But regardless of whether you feel it straight away or lean into it slowly, communicating what you’re feeling and setting boundaries is crucial in helping assuage any jealous feelings as well as set expectations for everyone involved.
The Intoxicating Effects of NRE
Butterflies swirling, max capacity flirting, dishing out all your best moves and stories – New Relationship Energy is that exciting feeling you get when you connect with someone new. Watching your SO go through this honeymoon phase with someone else can be difficult and can bring up feelings of jealousy. It is important to remind yourself that what they are feeling is NRE, which will pass and can be replaced with feelings of compersion when you least expect it.
Benefits of Compersion
Many polyamorous couples note that growing to feel compersion has had a positive effect on their relationship and can even bring them closer together. Because it requires constant communication, relationships that are comfortable and secure with non-monogamy are often expressing their desires and feelings to each other, leading to stronger bonds. Being able to enjoy that your partner is getting happiness from others can lead to increased self-confidence and heightened romantic and sexual experiences.