Unless you’ve been living under a rock, chances are you’ve heard of 50 Shades of Grey, the book turned movie phenom that launched BDSM into the mainstream and into the consciousness of housewives everywhere. But as many long-time lifestyler’s will tell you, the shiny veil of marketing can often blur the lines of reality and leave out a lot detail in lieu of Hollywood story pizzazz.
BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism) is a catch-all phrase that includes a variety of kinky fetishes—from inflicting pain and/or humiliation, punishment & reward systems, to the use of restraints—but involves a dominant who controls the session and a submissive who surrenders their control.
Whether you’ve read the books, seen the movies, or none of the above, if you’ve ever contemplated the idea of taking a ride on the sub side, here are 3 signs you might be secretly yearning for a sexy spanking.
1. Harder, please?
Not everyone who likes dominance and submission is into pain, but if you are, you might find the idea of hair pulling, slapping, spanking and pinching to be a huge turn on. If you find yourself fantasizing about being tied up in bondage rope and blurring the lines between pleasure and pain, there is a chance you might have a submissive side. As with anything, consent and establishing boundaries is a must but with solid communication and a good safeword, there is a lot of kinky fun a sub can have with a paddle…or flogger or nipple clamps or…
2. What is this I’m feeling?
Before 50 Shades, there was the Story of O (a much better read!) but those aren’t the only times Dom/sub relationships have played out in book and film. If you caught yourself thinking about James Spader bending you over a desk after watching the 2002 indie film Secretary, you might be ready to explore the joys of submission. If the horsewhip action in 80’s fave 9 ½ Weeks has you wishing you could trade places with Kim Basinger, then yep, you guessed it…there’s a chance you might be submissive.
3. Strength in submission
Unlike the mousy and timid likes of Miss Steele, many submissives are often highly empowered professionals that are very much in control of their day-to-day lives but find it both exciting and relaxing to submit and serve when it comes to sex. It can be very sexy to give up control, enjoy yourself and not have to make decisions. If the thought of being commanded and dominated in bed turns you on, maybe its time you give submission a try!
So, you know you’re curious about submission, but what now? If you have partner, talk about it with them! Establish limits, talk about what your desires are and what makes you uncomfortable. Whether you want to enjoy the dynamic of a DDlg relationship, slavehood, Master/Mistress or anything in between, it’s smart to discuss what you might like first. Shopping for BDSM toys and gear can be a great place to start!
Missing a Dom to submit to? No problem! The kink community can be found on popular apps like FET, Whiplr and Adult Friend Finder that let you search for and connect with like-minded people in your area. As a sub, you hold the power to determine how much you want to submit and who you’re willing to submit to so do your research, play safe and have fun!